freddie just left for sydney (again). it's funny how we've been through this so many times but each time it hurts more than the previous time. i look out of the windows and i feel like a mess, my brain feels overwhelmed with all sorts of unexplainable emotions; hurt, envy, anger, confusion, sadness. the intense urge to break down grows stronger with each step he takes towards the gates and it kills me so much to send my best friend off into the wilderness. all i can feel and think of is im lost, i look around but i dont see him. i think the best word to explain it is the feeling of being lost. tears spring up in my eyes and i control so hard to get rid of them. but each time the tears gather my heart contracts so hard it feels like it's gonna blow up. all i can think of now is striking the days off the calendar till he comes home.